Sunday, 29 December 2013

A Christmas Rant

Well, I did warn I would post rather infrequently. It's been, what, over a month since I've posted anything? I'm not very good at this. I do have many a various different excuses, which I'm sure, if you're reading this, you don't need to hear. 
I'm highly unsure of what I intend to say, although I did say this was a bit of an outlet for some of my many random thoughts, so, Christmas having just passed, I might have a small rant.
Rant? Christmas? Surely those two concepts don’t go together, you’re thinking. Think a little harder, for just a second, if you would. First and foremost, I have yet to understand what reindeer have to do with Christmas at all, let alone one with a bulbous, red, shiny nose. And why was that reindeer guiding a flying sleigh? How have we twisted Christmas to accommodate such pointless fairytales? Where did the North Pole come in to any of it?
And why is a fat man in a red suit a Christmas icon? For sure, the story goes that he was Saint Nicholas, a generous man, giving to those in great need. I have no problem with that – giving to others is an admirable thing to do. What I do have a problem with is the fact that now we idolise the fat man in the red suit at Christmas, and not for his generosity, but for what he can give to us (even though the version of him that our greed has created doesn’t exist). He doesn’t only give to the needy, he gives to the ‘good’. “Have you been good for Santa? What do you want him to get you? Be good, or Santa won’t come!” We shouldn’t need to hang the threat of not receiving presents from a mythical man over our children’s heads in order to make them behave, nor should we encourage this material greed which is now seemingly all that comes about from the Christmas season.

Present are fine, and eating nice food is OK, too. But when we forget the real point of Christmas, it just becomes another excuse for greed. I, personally, believe Christmas is about the birth of a Saviour, who selflessly became like us so we could be restored to God, but even if you don’t believe that, shouldn’t there be more to Christmas? It should be a time for joy, and we should share that joy with those who are finding it hard to come by. We could share a few dollars, a meal, or even just a smile, with someone who is hard done by. We ourselves are so lucky to have what we do, and the real joy of Christmas comes in giving, not in getting. So why should we be so greedy and self-centred? I think we should all take time during the Christmas season to selflessly give, and find, in that giving, the true meaning of Christmas.

Thursday, 14 November 2013

14

So, this is just a random short-ish story I wrote just for the sake of it. If anyone happens to be reading feel free to give feedback. 


She was the girl 76 couldn’t help but notice. She was always there, going through the motions day by day, like they all did. But she was different.  For a start, she didn’t respond to her number. Everyone else did. But not 14. She remained silent and solitary – she spoke not a word – and even the way she walked set her apart from the crowd. It was as if every step she took had a purpose that lay far beyond the walls of the Centre, a purpose that no one else could fathom. If the other digits were grey, she was blood red, and 76 was intrigued. He wanted to know what gears spun and whirred inside her mind that stopped her from laughing with the others through the humdrum of the daily routine.

Most of all, 76 was curious to know what force compelled 14 to remain lying, albeit shuddering violently, on the stiff white cover sheets of the experimental cots every day.

She would trudge obediently into the whitewashed labs alongside the other digits and lie down, usually in the adjacent cot to 76. She wouldn’t object when the Doctors fitted the ugly white headgear around her skull as if it were some ghastly torture instrument. In a way, 76 supposed, it was. He would watch her through the dark visor of his own clunky apparatus as she lay there, stock still, with every muscle in her body tensed. She didn’t talk up until activation, like the other digits; not once did her voice contribute to the mindless, droning babble that filled the labs.

And then, activation. The Doctors would push that little black button, and there would be sudden, inexplicable silence. Each and every digit would rise slowly until the lab was a mass of rigid bodies and white headpieces, standing in sporadic formation on the white linoleum floor. Then came the commands. They were different each day – 76 supposed the Doctor’s wanted to discover the extents to which the digits were mindlessly obedient. And if he thought about it hard enough – which he didn’t do often – he supposed it was rather cruel. But it never seemed cruel at the time. The commands of the Doctors simply washed through his mind, sweeter than the honey they were allowed on their porridge on Sunday, and never did he once consider disobeying the authoritative voice that swirled out of his earpiece. He felt nothing but calm, no matter the instruction.

He assumed all the other normal digits felt the same calm as him, the calm that soothed him into senselessly obeying every word, for every day the digits swarmed through the labs:

“Walk”.

“Run”.

“Scream”.

“Fight”.

They would all submit.

Except 14.

76 didn’t really think of her specifically during activation; his mind was inexplicably drawn into what seemed like one mass of thoughts – an entirety of motion and purpose that was possessive of all the digits collectively. However, he occasionally saw her out of the corner of his eye, still lying in her cot. She would tremble violently and clench her fists so tight that her fingernails drew blood from the paper-soft skin of her palms. She seemed to be resisting. 76 couldn’t understand why she would want to resist the soothing power of the honey-sweet voices, especially when it seemed to cause her so much pain. But resist she did, day after day, and slowly her face became sunken and her eyes lost their light and 76 came to think of her as the girl with the broken smile.

Once activation was over, the Doctors would always pay specific attention to 14. Every day they would poke her and prod her roughly, as though one day something would change, and they would suddenly understand what made her different from the other digits – different as white from black; sky from sea; blood from tears. They would interrogate her – talk softly to her, and when that didn’t work, scream at her.

“What are you doing?”

“Why don’t you move?”

“Say something, curse you!”

She remained silent.

76 did not know what he had expected to happen to 14. He didn’t think about it very much – he just expected the days to crawl by with their usual monotony, and he imagined 14 would simply… continue, like everyone and everything else in the Centre. But one day, it changed.

It was a hot, dry day and the sun beat down mercilessly on the grey concrete Centre and its inhabitants. As per usual, the digits strode into the labs; oblivious, mindless rows; and lay obediently down on the starched white sheets. Activation came, predictable as the rising of the cruel sun, and each digit succumbed to its grasp once more. 14 just lay there, trembling. And then came the command.

“Kill 21”.

Without a backwards glance or a step astray, the digits converged on 21. A small thread of doubt briefly wound through 76’s mind, but it evaporated in an instant, and his mind floated back to the seething mass that was the group. He obeyed the honey-voice without another thought.

21 did not resist – how could he? He began tearing at his own pale flesh with ragged fingernails as the other digits swarmed upon him like bees.

“Stop!”

The command rang out across the labs, the neon word ricocheting off the whitewashed walls, echoing with surprising timbre. It was not the voice of the Doctors, still every digit obeyed instantly. That one word was the single most beautiful sound 76 had ever heard. It brought images to his mind of glistening waterfalls and rainbow birds and majestic, expansive oceans – all of which he had never seen in his monotonous life. He spun around to see the source of the voice.

14.

She was standing, shaking violently like a leaf in the wind – a wind so foreign to the other digits that it was nigh on unimaginable – with an expression of disgust and utter loathing such as 76 had never laid eyes upon before.

“What are you doing?” she screamed. “How could you be so vile?”

Something stirred deep inside 76, something that he could not place.

“How can you just let them control you like that? It’s repulsive!” 76 could not banish the bizarre pictures that inundated his mind as 14 shouted. They were vivid pictures of another world, one that perhaps he had once known…

 All of a sudden, more Doctors than 76 knew existed flooded into the labs. One of them roughly hit 14 with a short, thin tube that abruptly burst with a sickly yellow light. She jerked violently and dropped to the floor.
The digits fiddled uncomfortably.

The shouts from the Doctors turned to incomprehensible clamour as the bewildered digits silently watched on, unsure of their task. Another flash of yellow light. 14 thrashed on the floor.

“14! You have one chance. Listen to me, one chance. You will live, if you kill 21,” boomed the head Doctor.
A black silence rushed through the room. The digits were becoming restless now.

Slowly, very, very slowly, 14 struggled to her feet.

“My name,” she declared, “is Emma”.

More stunned silence.

Buried far below 76’s deadened emotions was a memory, and it was fighting to resurface.

The Doctors leaped to action, as if they were of one mind. Perhaps, mused 76, they were. They ripped off 14’s – Emma’s – headpiece, as well as her shirt. They tore the grey garments into strips and bound and gagged her with them, leaving her standing – shaking and vulnerable – in her undergarments. She could barely put up a fight.

The Doctors turned to the other digits. “Forget everything you just witnessed”.

Something in 76 put up a one-second long struggle, before he succumbed once more to the honey-voices. His memories blurred and smudged into one long smear of murky brown, and suddenly he could not understand why 14 was bound, half-naked, in the centre of the room.

And so, the next instruction made no sense to him, but he obeyed anyway – mindless and oblivious.


“Kill 14”. 

Friday, 8 November 2013

Dangers of Dating a Smart Girl

Expectation:

You'll never understand a word she says. Formulas and theories and ideas you can't even fathom will tumble from her mouth in a spillage of excitement you could never understand over such things. She'll have no dress sense and won't know how to wear makeup and won't know how to kiss. There will be no time to go on dates because she'll be buried under her veritable mountains of books and won't surface until goodness-only-knows-when. Nothing exciting will happen because she's absorbed in study and you couldn't drag her out, no matter how hard you tried.

Reality:

She's just the same as any other girl. She's insecure, and just wants someone to make her feel beautiful. She wants someone to look behind the hours of work she puts into her perfect grades and see a scared, confused, self-conscious girl who wants someone to accept her. She wants to go for walks on the beach, hand in hand, watching the sun sink ever lower towards the horizon. She'll take time out of her constantly hectic schedule just to meet you at the park for a while. She wants someone to meet her at the door with flowers and unexpectedly tell her to put on her prettiest dress, and then take her out to dinner just because. All she wants is for someone to see that she's just the same as any other girl.

Monday, 28 October 2013

Well, I did warn that I'd post terribly infrequently... I've been 110% caught up in trying to keep up with eisteddfod/school work, and things like this seem slightly less important, strangely enough.
I have no idea what I intend to write here... perhaps it's a little pointless.
Oh, wait, here: have a drawing!
This is one of the few drawings I've attempted in coloured pencil, and is slightly strange. 
Make of it what you will.
^.^

Saturday, 19 October 2013

When did life become so vile that it stopped being OK to be individual? When did standing up for your opinions stop being praised? When did it start being  shouted at with a myriad of insults and looked down upon with the stares you read about in books that involve shooting daggers from the eyes? How is it that we're told to be ourselves one minute, and torn down for being ourselves with the turn of the clock?

Society's become a backwards place. It boldly declares to us that we should not be afraid to be who we are. We shouldn't put walls up to the world; instead we should tear them down and let those who would judge us see over the rubble - see past the masonry of makeup and the stonework of silence, the words we never spoke because we were too afraid of what they'd say.

But then, the minute the walls come down, instead of treading carefully through the wreckage to examine the person it's exposed, society shoots flaming, hate-ridden arrows past our non-existent defences, while they hide behind their fake imperfections, and the inevitable happens. Brick by painstaking brick, we rebuild our walls, all the while dodging the insults that are hurled at us from behind stronger defences than ours could ever hope to be. Their walls are built with prejudice as the cornerstone, littered with intolerance, reinforced with ignorance, and the slits in the walls that they spit abuse from are composed entirely of cowardice. Our walls will never be that strong... unless we join them, and build our own castle of hate and malice.

For once, I think, society should take its own advice.

Thursday, 10 October 2013

Six word story

We had to write six word stories in English today. (We're doing short story writing in English. It's great).
The result?:

Broken girl for sale: scars included.


Monday, 7 October 2013

A something I had to write in English class once...

The perfect, unbroken stillness hovered in the shimmering air – palpable; tangible. A gentle evening breeze caressed my cheek as I gazed towards the far horizon, on fire with magnificent shades of pink, orange, blood red and fading blue. Higher in the sky drifted wispy white clouds, fragile, yet majestic in their own right, and tinged magenta at the edges. Enveloping me was a sweet scent that was hard to place; all I knew was that it was clear, pure and heavenly. As I sat on a velvet soft cushion of grass, the mountains seemed to rise around me – not threateningly, but as if to protect and comfort me.
From within the deep silence, a soft voice floated out delicately. ‘Ella?’ It did not seem to disturb the tranquillity of the gorgeous evening, however. If anything, it enriched it. The voice was low and gentle, musical and lilting – it made me smile, and, the same as most other times I heard it, I was so absorbed in its music that I forgot to respond. ‘Ella?’ The voice called my name again, and this time I turned to see him, a tall figure standing behind me, the only thing that could make this day more wonderful than it already was. He had his hands casually tucked in the pockets of his jeans, and a simple, easy smile played upon his lips. His curly brown hair flopped uncooperatively in his face, stopping just short of his eyes. His eyes – bluer than the midday sky and swirling with a beautiful magic of their own, they sparkled like the sun reflected off the sea on a brilliant cloudless day. Those eyes could make my heart pound so fast that it threatened to burst out of my ribcage.

‘I knew I’d find you here,’ he smiled, his words like a symphony in the beautiful evening stillness. ‘Leith,’ I began, but before I could continue he covered the ground between us in two steps, the grass springing back to cover his footsteps. He lowered himself down beside me and we slipped into comfortable silence, watching the breathtaking scene before us. The mountains rolled towards the horizon, the clouds hung lazily in the sky and the brilliant sunset painted the sky in every possible shade of pink and red. I was just thinking that this day could not be more perfect, when Leith slowly, shyly, slid his hand into mine.

Saturday, 5 October 2013

"It is foolish to tear one's hair with grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness."
~ Some random guy who I really want to quote but whose name has been lost to me in the swirling abyss of the internet.

Friday, 4 October 2013

An Unconventional Love Poem

So occasionally when I have nothing else to be doing, I sit and write whatever goes on inside my head. This is one of those sorts of poems. I don't think it's very good. But that's ok, let's see what you (if you really exist and actually happen to read this) make of it. Constructive criticism (of the polite, useful and grammatically correct kind) would be welcomed.


Your eyes are blue and sparkling as the ocean
And just as deep
Oh, wait
That’s too mainstream
What, then, can I say?
Your eyes are blue as the sky?
No, that’s been used before
How about this:
Your eyes are as blue as that funny toy car
That my little brother once owned
It wore a hat, and a smile was painted on its face
Probably by some machine
That spent its whole life doing just that –
Painting funny smiles on funny toy cars
Like the one my little brother once owned
That are as blue as your eyes

Your voice sounds like angels singing
Oh, forget that
Someone’s said it before
Perhaps:
Your voice sounds like the sweet bubbling
Of the underwater spring rushing to meet the air
At that place where I used to go camping
It was crystal clear water, pure and lovely
That flowed down the creek –
And we swam, and played quaint little games
Surrounded by the crystal clear water
That bubbled to meet the air,
That was pure and lovely,
That sounded like your voice

Your lips are soft as flower petals
No, no, I’m sure that’s too unadventurous
Your lips are soft as velvet?
I’m quite sure that would feel strange
I’ve never liked velvet
Plus, I’m sure it’s been used before
Let me try again:
Your lips are as soft as the teddy bear
That’s older than I am
That I’ve cuddled relentlessly every night
Since I was born
That I christened ‘Bear Bear’
At the ripe old age of three
And he has been ever since –
Bear Bear, who’s older than I am
Who I’ve cuddled every night
Who’s as soft as your lips



I’m reading this
And realising it doesn’t flow
And doesn’t rhyme
And probably is the strangest love poem
You’ve ever bothered to read
But perhaps
If it flowed
If it rhymed
If it wasn’t the strangest love poem you’ve ever bothered to read
It would be too conventional

^.^

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

A Handful of Drawings/Paintings/A Hippopotamus

As well as being an amateur writer/sort-of-poet, I (occasionally) pick up my pencil and (on even fewer occasions) my paintbrush and become, for a blissful and messy while, an amateur artist. I think it's fun. I don't pretend to be fantastic, but that's OK, it's a bit of a creative outlet for me. (As are many other things).
So here are some of my artworks (for want of a better word). Please do excuse the terrible photography. I may be many things, but a photographer is not one of them. Psssht. My camera cost about as much yoghurt that's nearly reached its use-by-date. (OK, maybe a little more than that. But not much). (Also, excuse my use of lots of brackets. Bad habit of mine). Anywho, here goes! ^.^

I personally love this drawing. Simply because it's simple - nothing ridiculously complicated, no intense shading or anything of the sort. It was fun to draw, and it's about music. Music music music music music. 





This is an apprentice study of M.C. Escher's Drawing Hands. You should really check out the original. It's spectacular, and a lino-print, unless I'm mistaken (which I could well be). Do correct me if you know otherwise.




My old piano tuner used to tell my little sister and I, when I was about six years old, that there was a hippopotamus in the piano. OK, I know it's backwards, and this time there's a piano in the hippopotamus, but close enough. I think it's very cute.




I'm despairing. It's a mushroom cloud, but it's sideways. And I simply cannot make it turn around. So, enjoy this sideways mushroom cloud.
















My grade 10 drawing teacher's favourite drawing that I ever attempted. I even forayed adventurously into coloured pencil.



I'm despairing again. Batman is sideways.


There! ^.^ Maybe I'll put some more up later. And hopefully they won't be sideways. I do not understand why that is happening. What a strange occurrence. 

On a completely unrelated topic, I have a challenge for anyone who happens to be reading. 
Say 'bubbles' and make it sound ANGRY.
I understand that this is an exceptionally strange sort of challenge, but I'm curious, to say the least, as to whether it is actually possible. I have tried, failed, and sounded incredibly bizarre while doing so.

Enough from me. 
May your day be filled with all sorts of strange and wonderful things. ^.^




Gazing in at the world from the outside through a sepia tinted filter that some call exclusion and some call uniqueness, I watch the hyenas knot tightly into bickering, gossiping cliques. They're planning their next move. Too cowardly to destroy targets full of life, confidence and strength, they know that the easy victims are the ones who are already broken. The ones who have been shattered into a million and one pieces, yet somehow drag themselves along, slowly swallowed by the shadow that torments them. These, the hyenas know, will be the ones that cannot hold up their spiderweb defenses against the bitter words that are hurled from the scavengers' lipsticked mouths. 
The hyena's leader cackles as she pulls out a pocket mirror and, peering into it, painstakingly powders her picture-perfect face. Beside her, a fledgling totters around in six-inch-high magenta heels - apparently it's the 'new thing': the new must-adhere to phase in the twisted book of society's rules. Butt-cheeks and breasts hang out from all-too-human garments (that, to the innocent and unaccustomed eyes of those outside the pack, appear to be several sizes too small) that barely clothe all-too-human figures. Matchstick human figures. Small, skinny, unnatural, but dominant human figures that cluster together in the safety of the pack, crouching in the shadows to tear any remaining self-esteem mercilessly from their next victim, to viciously rip away any lingering shreds of hope that cling to their quarry's despairing form. 
Listening to the caustic, all-too-human babble that pours forth from the cluster like a waterfall of toxic waste, I feel as if I could shoot each neon word from the poisoned air and watch them as they tumble, leaf-like, to the dusty ground and bleed into a noxious brown slick. A mire of insults, betrayal and trickery that waits to trap helpless prey and send them skidding towards misery and confusion.
The pack titters and sets off, striding, slipping, stumbling and strutting in their assortment of sky-high shoes, to lie in wait for the next victim. 
I shake my head and back away, glad to be an outsider. 



So now perhaps the strange and bizarre title for the blog makes a little sense? I see things, well, largely differently to a lot of other people. Don't get me wrong, I do have friends, who don't mind that I'm bizarre, and they're wonderful. But the above... writing... thing... (I don't know what to call it, do tell me if you have a clue) is a small insight into the way this jellyfish/outsider/artist/poet/dreamer sees the world around her, spinning in fifty-seven directions at once as the wind and the voices of strangers melt into one and the colours flicker into one never-ending rainbow of black and grey.
^.^
I should be honest: I know next to nothing about blogging, however, I've been looking at some recently and have decided I want to be different. I will try and avoid bombarding anyone who reads this (if that ends up being anyone at all) with a constant barrage of my day-to-day life. I've tried reading those and they seem awfully long and tedious. Perhaps that's just me, and I suppose that's what you're supposed to do with a blog, but I propose something that's perhaps slightly abnormal, but that's ok, that's me summed up in two words. Anyway, this is just intended to be an outlet for my many extraneous thoughts (if I were Albus Dumbledore, I'd use a pensieve, but I'm not, so I won't), so here's the plan:

I'll probably share:
- Random poems/short stories/unnamed, stray things that float into my imagination and meander out my fingertips
- Drawings of mine
- Quotes that I like
- Pictures that take my fancy (could range from anything I've found on the internet (I'll try to reference appropriately) to photos I've taken (beware, I'm not great at photography) to anything else in between)
- Perhaps books I like 
- Songs I find worth listening to (also beware, I have a strange and muchly varying taste in music, from Beethoven to Bastille, Linkin Park, Coldplay, Imagine Dragons, occasionally Taylor Swift and pretty much anything in between that takes my fancy. Oh, and Of Monsters and Men. Can't forget them)
- Random rants (which I'll try to keep relatively short and easy-to-follow)
- Thoughts; philosophical, insightful or otherwise
- Anything else that springs to mind that I feel the need to write about

Terms and Conditions - OK, not really terms and conditions in any way. BUT: I do not promise to post something every day, or even every week. Heck, I might miss a few months. I'm unpredictable like that and I have school and piano to contend with. I'll probably post about a million things during this holidays, including lots and lots today because I can and it's most exciting while it's new (OK, straying into hyperbole and tiny bit there, but I hope if (and that's a big IF) anyone's reading this, they get the point), and then forget about it the minute school starts. Also, I do not promise to make sense. 

OK, I think that's it for now. Expect lots of random stuff today while I'm enjoying have fun with my new blog toy. ^.^

Here's a picture of a jellyfish all for you, whoever you are, and if you are at all, just because I like jellyfish ^.^
(No reference I'm afraid - scavenged from the bottomless pit of the internet quite a while ago)

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

This is a poem I wrote a while ago. I guess it doesn't need much introduction, so, here it is:

Pretty Girl

Pretty girl
Don’t listen to him
When he tells you not to take that sweet
Lying soft and tempting within your reach
Waiting for you to eat it
Don’t listen to him
When he says
“You don’t want to put on fifteen kilos now, do you?”,
In a mocking, joking voice
Don’t take him seriously
He doesn’t mean it
He doesn’t know it hurts

Pretty girl
Don’t look at her
When the example she sets is one
Buried under inches and inches of perfect,
Painstaking makeup
Hiding her flaws
Don’t look at her
When your friends say
“She has no imperfections, why can’t you be like her?”,
In beautiful, envious tones
Don’t take it personally
They’re not thinking
They don’t know it hurts

Pretty girl
Don’t pay attention to them
When they knot caustically into their cliques
Like swarms, their safety in numbers
Snickering at you because
You are different
Don’t pay attention to them
When they say
“Why aren’t you like us, why don’t you fit?”,
With sarcastic, acerbic words
Don’t take it as an insult
They don’t understand
They don’t know it hurts 

Pretty girl
Block them out
When they point perfectly painted fingernails
Sharp and faultless as their bitter voices
Not piano fingernails
Block them out
When they say
“What is she good for, why is she taking up space?”,
In lilting, mockingbird voices
Don’t take it on board
They don’t know better
They don’t know it hurts

Pretty girl
Above all, do not care
When the world around you is shallow as a rock pool
Anything meaningful reflecting off the sparkling surface
Waiting to blind someone
Do not care
When the world says
“Why have you come out of the mold differently?”,
In a genuinely confused tone
Don’t take it to heart
It doesn’t comprehend
That it hurts