An Unconventional Love Poem

So occasionally when I have nothing else to be doing, I sit and write whatever goes on inside my head. This is one of those sorts of poems. I don't think it's very good. But that's ok, let's see what you (if you really exist and actually happen to read this) make of it. Constructive criticism (of the polite, useful and grammatically correct kind) would be welcomed.

Your eyes are blue and sparkling as the ocean

And just as deep

Oh, wait

That’s too mainstream

What, then, can I say?

Your eyes are blue as the sky?

No, that’s been used before

How about this:

Your eyes are as blue as that funny toy car

That my little brother once owned

It wore a hat, and a smile was painted on its face

Probably by some machine

That spent its whole life doing just that –

Painting funny smiles on funny toy cars

Like the one my little brother once owned

That are as blue as your eyes

Your voice sounds like angels singing

Oh, forget that

Someone’s said it before

Perhaps:

Your voice sounds like the sweet bubbling

Of the underwater spring rushing to meet the air

At that place where I used to go camping

It was crystal clear water, pure and lovely

That flowed down the creek –

And we swam, and played quaint little games

Surrounded by the crystal clear water

That bubbled to meet the air,

That was pure and lovely,

That sounded like your voice

Your lips are soft as flower petals

No, no, I’m sure that’s too unadventurous

Your lips are soft as velvet?

I’m quite sure that would feel strange

I’ve never liked velvet

Plus, I’m sure it’s been used before

Let me try again:

Your lips are as soft as the teddy bear

That’s older than I am

That I’ve cuddled relentlessly every night

Since I was born

That I christened ‘Bear Bear’

At the ripe old age of three

And he has been ever since –

Bear Bear, who’s older than I am

Who I’ve cuddled every night

Who’s as soft as your lips

I’m reading this

And realising it doesn’t flow

And doesn’t rhyme

And probably is the strangest love poem

You’ve ever bothered to read

But perhaps

If it flowed

If it rhymed

If it wasn’t the strangest love poem you’ve ever bothered to read

It would be too conventional

^.^