Wednesday, 30 July 2014

So, uh, hi, non-existent readers. I haven't been here for ages, have I?

Anyway, recently I ended up in my town's annual poetry slam by accident. Kind of a long story, but let's just say it involved me writing and half-memorising a poem in one afternoon, and performing it that night.

Well, it's not really poetry. Well, it is? It doesn't rhyme, and I didn't write it in any kind of traditional 'poem' format, but I think it sounded at least sort of like poetry when I said it.

As I don't really have much to say despite not having been around for months and months, I thought that you (if 'you' are anyone at all), might like to read it. Please excuse the dodgy non-poem-y formatting.



Life Lessons

Ever since I was a child I’ve been told that school is a place for learning things. Important things – life lessons, an old person once told me, a wise smile crinkling the corners of her eyes. Funny that.

In my 12 years of schooling, I’ve certainly learnt things. I haven’t been taught to handle taxes, or take control of my income, but praise the Lord I know how to use the quadratic formula. I never learnt how to write a resume or find my passion – a passion that, I’m told, will influence all my life choices, and I’m supposed to have found for myself – but thank heavens that I spent three consecutive years studying the reproductive cycle of a green tree frog. I’ve never learnt how to deal with people – grieving people; angry people; hurt people, and I’ve never had it explained to me how I should go about making a life for myself. I have however, you’ll be pleased to know, been taught how to analyse a memoir. Yeah. Life lessons, right there.

I’m sixteen. I’ve spent 12 of those 16 years being taught to spout formulas and recite elaborate phrases to garner the pleasure of my English teacher, whose favourite I am because I know the meaning of the word misogyny.  What have I actually learnt, though?


I’ve learnt that in 16 weeks, 18 if you count holidays, I’m going to finish school. And once I finish school? Who knows? Go skydiving, maybe. Learn Malaysian, get my hair cut short. Who cares? But first, I’m going to visit that old lady, with the wise crinkled eyes, and tell her that I’m finally going to go learn some life lessons.



For the record, in case that night wasn't random enough, my English and Japanese teachers were at the poetry slam. I think it was OK though, they laughed lots. 

I feel like it was pretty successful. Definitely a night worth going to - the host was hilarious and it was generally a very friendly and enjoyable night.

Moral of the story? Everyone should spontaneously enter poetry slams! Well, maybe that's not for everyone. Perhaps the moral of the story should be that everyone should do spontaneous things that they've never done before every once in a while. It makes life a lot more exciting, and who knows? Maybe you'll enjoy yourself.

May your day be filled with sweet surprises and stolen kisses and chocolate-covered strawberries.

^.^

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

I was told that we all have honest struggles and that's OK. I'm not sure how I feel about that:

My honest struggles don’t belong in the real world – they exist in 2B pencil and piano music. 

Monday, 10 March 2014

I'm terrible, aren't I? Haven't posted for ages...

Have some more pictures ^.^


A rare experiment with watercolours. I do not know why it is sideways. I can't make it rotate.


Bother, this one's sideways as well. Why? My apologies.


I'm despairing. Why are they all sideways? I can't fix it, I promise, or I would have by now. Anyway, the above was a brief foray into decorative writing.


These are all quite old - I haven't done any proper art in such a long time. Bit of a shame. I have a feeling I'd like to try out some bizarre and simple abstract painting, but I have no idea how to go about it.

Ideas, anyone? (Not that I imagine many people are reading this at all)...

^.^



Sunday, 16 February 2014

Am I the only one who thinks Valentine's Day is incredibly pointless?

It's so commercialised - so fake - that it has nothing to do with love and everything to do with 'love' (the latter being written in bold pink writing and surrounded by lurid love hearts). I could go into such a long rant about this, but I hope I can keep somewhat concise. 

Valentine's Day advertises love as garish and materialistic - exactly opposite to what it actually is. Real love cares nothing for chocolates or roses. Of course, they're sweet, affectionate gestures, but on Valentine's Day, it seems to me that they mean nothing. They're just 'the thing' to do, because everyone else is doing it. All of a sudden proclaiming your love for someone becomes a bigger thing than on any other day. 

I object.

Love, if truly felt, should be professed constantly - through actions of support and encouragement more than through words or roses. Valentine's Day quite defies - almost ridicules, in some ways - what I think love should be, and I have a problem with that.

OK, rant over.

^.^

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

My dearest,
I can smell the storm from inside my room. It smells like stifled conversation, and music, and purple. And it reminds me of you, in more ways than one. It’s beautiful, for a start, if either boys or storms can be beautiful.
I think they can.
Lightning dances across the sky like the way your eyes sparkle, and the rain-song sounds like your voice. The grey that shrouds the world beyond my window pane is hauntingly beautiful, too. It’s that grey you like; the grey I wish I could take your hand and fly into and dance and laugh and get blissfully lost in with you forever.
Don’t tell Mum, but I’ve left the window open, just a crack. The air sneaks in and swirls around me in a cool, gentle embrace. It almost feels like you’re here. Almost. I wish you were, you know. I wish it every day, and miss you more with each passing minute; with each beautiful, lonely raindrop.
I must go now, Mum’s calling me. Her voice is muffled by the rain-song, and I wish I could ignore it and lie here and think of you, and write to you... Sadly, she is not one to be ignored.
I send you my best wishes and hopes and dreams, and the assurance that soon we’ll be together again. I promise I will be waiting for you when you return.
Perhaps, when a storm comes your way, you could think of me, too?
With all my love,

R.

Sunday, 29 December 2013

A Christmas Rant

Well, I did warn I would post rather infrequently. It's been, what, over a month since I've posted anything? I'm not very good at this. I do have many a various different excuses, which I'm sure, if you're reading this, you don't need to hear. 
I'm highly unsure of what I intend to say, although I did say this was a bit of an outlet for some of my many random thoughts, so, Christmas having just passed, I might have a small rant.
Rant? Christmas? Surely those two concepts don’t go together, you’re thinking. Think a little harder, for just a second, if you would. First and foremost, I have yet to understand what reindeer have to do with Christmas at all, let alone one with a bulbous, red, shiny nose. And why was that reindeer guiding a flying sleigh? How have we twisted Christmas to accommodate such pointless fairytales? Where did the North Pole come in to any of it?
And why is a fat man in a red suit a Christmas icon? For sure, the story goes that he was Saint Nicholas, a generous man, giving to those in great need. I have no problem with that – giving to others is an admirable thing to do. What I do have a problem with is the fact that now we idolise the fat man in the red suit at Christmas, and not for his generosity, but for what he can give to us (even though the version of him that our greed has created doesn’t exist). He doesn’t only give to the needy, he gives to the ‘good’. “Have you been good for Santa? What do you want him to get you? Be good, or Santa won’t come!” We shouldn’t need to hang the threat of not receiving presents from a mythical man over our children’s heads in order to make them behave, nor should we encourage this material greed which is now seemingly all that comes about from the Christmas season.

Present are fine, and eating nice food is OK, too. But when we forget the real point of Christmas, it just becomes another excuse for greed. I, personally, believe Christmas is about the birth of a Saviour, who selflessly became like us so we could be restored to God, but even if you don’t believe that, shouldn’t there be more to Christmas? It should be a time for joy, and we should share that joy with those who are finding it hard to come by. We could share a few dollars, a meal, or even just a smile, with someone who is hard done by. We ourselves are so lucky to have what we do, and the real joy of Christmas comes in giving, not in getting. So why should we be so greedy and self-centred? I think we should all take time during the Christmas season to selflessly give, and find, in that giving, the true meaning of Christmas.

Thursday, 14 November 2013

14

So, this is just a random short-ish story I wrote just for the sake of it. If anyone happens to be reading feel free to give feedback. 


She was the girl 76 couldn’t help but notice. She was always there, going through the motions day by day, like they all did. But she was different.  For a start, she didn’t respond to her number. Everyone else did. But not 14. She remained silent and solitary – she spoke not a word – and even the way she walked set her apart from the crowd. It was as if every step she took had a purpose that lay far beyond the walls of the Centre, a purpose that no one else could fathom. If the other digits were grey, she was blood red, and 76 was intrigued. He wanted to know what gears spun and whirred inside her mind that stopped her from laughing with the others through the humdrum of the daily routine.

Most of all, 76 was curious to know what force compelled 14 to remain lying, albeit shuddering violently, on the stiff white cover sheets of the experimental cots every day.

She would trudge obediently into the whitewashed labs alongside the other digits and lie down, usually in the adjacent cot to 76. She wouldn’t object when the Doctors fitted the ugly white headgear around her skull as if it were some ghastly torture instrument. In a way, 76 supposed, it was. He would watch her through the dark visor of his own clunky apparatus as she lay there, stock still, with every muscle in her body tensed. She didn’t talk up until activation, like the other digits; not once did her voice contribute to the mindless, droning babble that filled the labs.

And then, activation. The Doctors would push that little black button, and there would be sudden, inexplicable silence. Each and every digit would rise slowly until the lab was a mass of rigid bodies and white headpieces, standing in sporadic formation on the white linoleum floor. Then came the commands. They were different each day – 76 supposed the Doctor’s wanted to discover the extents to which the digits were mindlessly obedient. And if he thought about it hard enough – which he didn’t do often – he supposed it was rather cruel. But it never seemed cruel at the time. The commands of the Doctors simply washed through his mind, sweeter than the honey they were allowed on their porridge on Sunday, and never did he once consider disobeying the authoritative voice that swirled out of his earpiece. He felt nothing but calm, no matter the instruction.

He assumed all the other normal digits felt the same calm as him, the calm that soothed him into senselessly obeying every word, for every day the digits swarmed through the labs:

“Walk”.

“Run”.

“Scream”.

“Fight”.

They would all submit.

Except 14.

76 didn’t really think of her specifically during activation; his mind was inexplicably drawn into what seemed like one mass of thoughts – an entirety of motion and purpose that was possessive of all the digits collectively. However, he occasionally saw her out of the corner of his eye, still lying in her cot. She would tremble violently and clench her fists so tight that her fingernails drew blood from the paper-soft skin of her palms. She seemed to be resisting. 76 couldn’t understand why she would want to resist the soothing power of the honey-sweet voices, especially when it seemed to cause her so much pain. But resist she did, day after day, and slowly her face became sunken and her eyes lost their light and 76 came to think of her as the girl with the broken smile.

Once activation was over, the Doctors would always pay specific attention to 14. Every day they would poke her and prod her roughly, as though one day something would change, and they would suddenly understand what made her different from the other digits – different as white from black; sky from sea; blood from tears. They would interrogate her – talk softly to her, and when that didn’t work, scream at her.

“What are you doing?”

“Why don’t you move?”

“Say something, curse you!”

She remained silent.

76 did not know what he had expected to happen to 14. He didn’t think about it very much – he just expected the days to crawl by with their usual monotony, and he imagined 14 would simply… continue, like everyone and everything else in the Centre. But one day, it changed.

It was a hot, dry day and the sun beat down mercilessly on the grey concrete Centre and its inhabitants. As per usual, the digits strode into the labs; oblivious, mindless rows; and lay obediently down on the starched white sheets. Activation came, predictable as the rising of the cruel sun, and each digit succumbed to its grasp once more. 14 just lay there, trembling. And then came the command.

“Kill 21”.

Without a backwards glance or a step astray, the digits converged on 21. A small thread of doubt briefly wound through 76’s mind, but it evaporated in an instant, and his mind floated back to the seething mass that was the group. He obeyed the honey-voice without another thought.

21 did not resist – how could he? He began tearing at his own pale flesh with ragged fingernails as the other digits swarmed upon him like bees.

“Stop!”

The command rang out across the labs, the neon word ricocheting off the whitewashed walls, echoing with surprising timbre. It was not the voice of the Doctors, still every digit obeyed instantly. That one word was the single most beautiful sound 76 had ever heard. It brought images to his mind of glistening waterfalls and rainbow birds and majestic, expansive oceans – all of which he had never seen in his monotonous life. He spun around to see the source of the voice.

14.

She was standing, shaking violently like a leaf in the wind – a wind so foreign to the other digits that it was nigh on unimaginable – with an expression of disgust and utter loathing such as 76 had never laid eyes upon before.

“What are you doing?” she screamed. “How could you be so vile?”

Something stirred deep inside 76, something that he could not place.

“How can you just let them control you like that? It’s repulsive!” 76 could not banish the bizarre pictures that inundated his mind as 14 shouted. They were vivid pictures of another world, one that perhaps he had once known…

 All of a sudden, more Doctors than 76 knew existed flooded into the labs. One of them roughly hit 14 with a short, thin tube that abruptly burst with a sickly yellow light. She jerked violently and dropped to the floor.
The digits fiddled uncomfortably.

The shouts from the Doctors turned to incomprehensible clamour as the bewildered digits silently watched on, unsure of their task. Another flash of yellow light. 14 thrashed on the floor.

“14! You have one chance. Listen to me, one chance. You will live, if you kill 21,” boomed the head Doctor.
A black silence rushed through the room. The digits were becoming restless now.

Slowly, very, very slowly, 14 struggled to her feet.

“My name,” she declared, “is Emma”.

More stunned silence.

Buried far below 76’s deadened emotions was a memory, and it was fighting to resurface.

The Doctors leaped to action, as if they were of one mind. Perhaps, mused 76, they were. They ripped off 14’s – Emma’s – headpiece, as well as her shirt. They tore the grey garments into strips and bound and gagged her with them, leaving her standing – shaking and vulnerable – in her undergarments. She could barely put up a fight.

The Doctors turned to the other digits. “Forget everything you just witnessed”.

Something in 76 put up a one-second long struggle, before he succumbed once more to the honey-voices. His memories blurred and smudged into one long smear of murky brown, and suddenly he could not understand why 14 was bound, half-naked, in the centre of the room.

And so, the next instruction made no sense to him, but he obeyed anyway – mindless and oblivious.


“Kill 14”.